Introversion, Depression, and Empathy in the Time of Quarantine
The idea for this piece comes from a desire to comfort. To relate to some common struggles. And furthermore, to issue a challenge to empathize and love to the best of our ability.
I also subscribe to a lot of that “personality stuff”. I know it’s not an interesting subject for everyone, but my personal belief is that the better we understand ourselves and others, the better we can love our friends and receive love from them.
That being said, I think introverts and extroverts alike are having a difficult time in quarantine. During this time, I’ve heard some people conclude, “This quarantine is really revealing who your true friends are.” Let’s chill out a little bit about that. Yes, most of us are at home with limited company and activities, but the picture is often more complicated than that.
My depression has worsened during this time, and I know I’m not the only one. I have shared this with friends on occasion, and I often receive a flurry of texts shortly thereafter. On the one hand, it’s a super thoughtful and loving response, but it can also feel like more pressure. Pressure to answer accurately and thoughtfully. “How are you?” is not that helpful. Please ask something more specific. “How are you” will overwhelm me with the need to provide a detailed, comprehensive response, and honestly my answer might change two or three days later. During a time like this, a quick “Have you ever seen this on Netflix? I think you’d enjoy it” or “Thinking of you today, friend❤️” feels a lot more supportive. I feel valued, I feel like we’re connected, and it’s an appropriate gesture for pretty much any level of friendship.
And can I just say that all this digital communication is outright exhausting, too? I don’t have the energy to reply to texts for hours or days sometimes. Again, it’s often because I’m currently focused on something else or you sent me something that I think warrants a thoughtful response. Seeing friends in person would be more casual and energizing, but when I’m bombarded with texts, I just want to throw my phone at the wall. Also because a response of, “I’m not doing well, but I’ll be okay in the grand scheme of things…would you just pray for me and be available to me” is still often met with unsolicited advice. “How often are you reading the Bible?” “How much have you been outside this week?” “Are you eating well enough?” Believe me…I’m trying. These things are common sense for me. But I was on my phone late last night, so I slept late, and work has been crazy this week. Yes, I should probably have more discipline, but I already know that. What I’m hearing is, “You could be better if you were smarter and behaved better.” I’m telling myself that all the time anyway, so please consider that.
For introverts and people experiencing depression (these traits are not linked, but I think some of the same responses apply)- be there for us, but don’t smother us. Occasionally send us fun, casual correspondence (if we’ve built up more rapport, then we’re more encouraged by that communication). Occasionally check in on us. If we don’t reach out to you often, or respond to your texts promptly, please trust that we love you and it’s not intentional and we also want to be a thoughtful friend, but we need some time for that kind of response. If you want to encourage people, there are other ways you can do it, too. If you still have a job, support those who don’t. If a friend reaches out on social media for help paying their rent, surprise them on Venmo. Raise money for a struggling business or industry that’s close to your heart. Be more intentional with the elderly folks in your life, who are some of the most isolated among us. Generosity of spirit is needed during these times, and we’re better able to do that when we know what our strengths are and we’re more in tune with both the physical and internal needs of others. Bless you, friend, and thanks for reading ❤️
